A birthday treat for me & my boy, it was our first proper showbizzy awards event and here are some things I learned.
1. Celebrities look like a different species because THEY ARE.
Somehow they’ve been modified to temperature control in outdoor environments. I was in a sheepskin-lined winter coat – on top of the gladrags – and still freezing. Not so for the stars; exposed midriffs, bare arms & not even a shiver or runny eye in the howling January wind. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEM?
2. Those red carpet poses you see online & in magazines look RIDICULOUS in real life.
The contortions that some get themselves into might make for a fab photo but you look like a total weirdo spinning around to get the back-of-your-dress-shoulder-peep shot from every angle. Or that odd elbow-pop thing? Looks like a shoulder dislocation. I genuinely feared for some joints.
Perfecting the smile that doesn’t reach your eyes is QUITE the thing too – I’m guessing it’s to achieve no eye-crinkles? Definitely going to practise this one.
Best not to discuss the fake tan (but the maintenance ALONE must be a full-time job) THEY GLOW like the Ready Brek kid.
3. Hosting an Awards Ceremony isn’t as easy as it looks.
Dermot O’Leary is one very talented man. His autocue (although gigantic) was halfway back on the arena floor & he makes reading it look so seamless and like a natural flowing conversation. Skills.
There is also a spectacular man who tells the award presenters when to announce the nominees names. He stands with them on the stage (whilst the TV audience sees the clips) holds a stop palm in their faces during the applause ripples & then does a finger-gun when it’s time to say the next one. That man has a great job. We liked this bit.
Getting slebs back into their seats after every commercial break was challenging too. Like herding cats. Props to the warm-up guy for the attempt.
4. Seat warmers are A THING.
When a sleb goes onstage to present or receive an award, someone swiftly slips in their seat until they get back. Heaven forbid that their famous cutie booties should find themselves on an unwarmed seat!
I’m unable to confirm if this service also extends to the lavatories but I’d like to think that it does.
(Note: I KNOW that this is probably more about camera angles & not showing empty seats on telly but the diva thing was more amusing)
5. Really, it’s a bit like school prizegiving evening.
Lots of applauding, you already know who’s likely to win everything, Fleur East from Year 9 has made up a song & dance to break up the evening, the popular kids are sitting in the best seats and there’s always that one award that no-one knew about & they just made up to help a naughty kid feel good. (The IMPACT award?!)
Which brings me nicely to….
6. If Aidan Turner is in the room, it is almost impossible to look at anything else.
Like a magnetic force or the pull of gravity, you are at his mercy. If he’s nearby, you just can’t help staring at him & the majestic wonder of his beauty. For those obsessed enough as me to be interested, he applauded everything (hand cream?) gave big hugs to sleb mates & stood back to allow EVERY SINGLE PERSON from Downton Abbey to leave the stage before him, like the beautiful gentleman that he is. The man can do no wrong.
And I’m GLAD they made up an award for him.
Couple of other noteworthy points: arriving by boat was the best thing ever – highly recommended for events at the O2; the showbiz doesn’t stop at the end of the night – the team from The Chase were sat next to us & the guys from DIY SOS stayed in our hotel – GLAMOUR; And I really hope the lady who fell over at the end of the awards was ok – you didn’t know but I put all your make-up brushes back in your handbag for you. Sista, I KNOW how much attachment we have to our brushes, especially in times of crisis, you’re welcome.
In summary, a BRILLIANT night where we had a window into the weird world of being a celebrity.
Tickets are now on sale for next year. I’d give it a go if you fancy getting glammed up & having some fun.
All the top guns in British TV in one pic. Weird, huh?